Wrizzit
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This is a rant about accountability in friendship. You've been warned. One of my friendships is hanging by a thread when, after months and months of suppressing my emotions for fear of conflict and confrontation, I finally cracked and shared everything I was hurt by in the ways I'd been treated. Another is on its deathbed because I shared similar sentiments about something that'd happened two days earlier and received a "you're just too sensitive!" as a response. I'm sick of one-sided friendships. I'm sick of being conflict-averse. Of approaching friendship as something already established and therefore insured against dilapidation and ruin. It hurts me that I worry about moving plans 2 weeks in advance when my friends tell me they "can't make it" the day of and think that's enough. I'm sick of being told I'm too sensitive. I'm aware I'm more sensitive than an average person, but have you ever asked yourself if you're fucking sensitive enough? Let's do better as friends. I beg you.
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MackaroniArt16d
I feel this with every fiber of my being! I'm sick of one sided friendships. You're so right about friendships being treated as already established and not something that requires effort and care. as an aromantic person its so frustrating because friendships are all I want, but they feel so much harder than they should be.
Rita15d
I can relate to friendships being all you want! I'm not aromantic, but for different reasons, I've been avoiding romance for the past few years, so I also seek connection through friendships. Somehow the idea that a romantic relationship takes work has settled in our minds with more ease than the idea that platonic relationships take work just the same. Regardless, I hope you don't settle for less than you deserve, no matter how lonely life gets. <3
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MackaroniArt14d
awww ur so sweet I hope you dont settle for less than you deserve either! and I hope you find your soulmate friends!
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This is way too relatable. Also sick of wondering if it's my fault somehow that others are treating me badly and seemingly taking me for granted. Or worse, as free therapy rather than a friend.
Rita15d
Ugh, don't even get me started on being treated as free therapy! It might be because they're fair-weather friends, so they're great to be around to have fun but they're not comfortable with offering support to you when life gets hard, but instead they take advantage of your empathy and sensitivity and dump their problems on you. That's the case in one of my friendships, at least, and if that sounds familiar, it is NOT your fault for being mistreated.
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Mustard feels and understand your frustration. Their best friend of 15+ years has essentially become a one-sided friendship. 99% of the time Mustard reaches out first. It frustrates and upsets them so much. And when we do have a conversation it pretty much follows a predictable formula. In our case distance in a factor as well but with technology being the way it is that should not cause such a wall to be put up.
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Rita15d
I'm very sorry about this, and you're absolutely right! Distance may change the nature of friendship or the ways in which it manifests on a daily basis, but in this day and age, it's not a valid excuse for it to slowly die, not if both sides are putting in the effort. I admire your loyalty, though, and I can only hope that your friend realizes they miss you, and that things change for the better!
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