Written Out

I know

I do know

He wrote "I am in love with you" in invisible ink

He spoke these words into my love starved auditory awareness

and I believed

every

fucking word

Cancer

Fuck cancer

I can tell you how many times he utter the word "timing"

too many

Testing me pushed me away

Cruel poison scrawled across my Substack DMs

then bled into texts

and I did not fire back

I refused

screaming internally until my soul lost its voice

I see normal people talk about this soft goodbye

and wonder what the fuck is a soft goodbye?

is a soft goodbye easier?

or more fucking masochistic?

is it better to leave words unspoken?

to just walk away?

I ripped my vocal chords from their roots for this soft goodbye

394,461.45 minutes

I was easy to forget

Cancer

Fuck cancer

I am the bad guy for allowing my voice to grow new roots

My words are a voice screaming

My words are easy to deny

See red

Don't go any further

Cause' I'll be the villain

The bad guy now

For daring to speak the words tearing to be heard

Calling me a mother fucker and saying to me "fuck off"

was the only thing he could say

394,461.45 ago

Fuck cancer

Fuck the excuses

"I am in love with you"

as he wrote me out of his life

Nothing but a whore whose existence is only for his moment

I am easy to be written out of his story

I was never meant to be a memory

I was never meant to be written about

I was never meant to be remembered

I remember

Two candles will forever be lit

His altar will be tended too

My story will be an archive of my love for him