Writer's Block (And my mental health situation)

Well, here we are. I have writer's block. So, I have decided to try and break it by writing about it. This post is going to be a lot heavier than my usual stuff. I want to stop talking about the situation on Substack over here, but its definitely contributing to the way I feel right now.

These last few days, I have felt an unending urge to write, but my bind has been so clouded and bust that I have had nothing to actually write about. My creativity has completely stalled. I guess my hope is that, if I write about it, it will help to clear the fog in my mind and restore that creative spark I am so desperately missing.

A very common theme in my life has been a constant need for validation and fear of rejection or being judged. This has always been something I have struggled with, especially when doing creative work such as writing. With everything that's happened recently, this anxiety has honestly sky-rocketed, and I'm not sure how to bring it back down. I haven't been able to focus on my meditation, journalling or my uni work. My nerves are completely shot.

The things over on Substack have left me feeling completely burnt out and mentally exhausted. I've started to fall back into a lot of bad habits that I have put so much work into breaking. My room is becoming a mess again, I've stopped exercising, and I'm eating like shit. These things are just making my situation worse, but I just don't feel that I have enough energy to actually do anything about it.

My uni work has been stressing me out a lot too - I have fallen behind in all my lectures, and I am barely passing my assessments. I am also in the middle of my coursework for this semester, and I have to give a presentation on Monday.

Somehow, on top of all that, I have to work a job, prepare for my driving theory test, do everything I can to avoid my mental health from spiralling, and then come up with new ideas for posts. So yeah, I'm stressed as fuck right now.

I have also been feeling completely alone recently. I have no actual friends at uni, as I live too far away from campus to attend events or hang out with other people in my class. I have not seen Ace in 2 weeks now, and there is still a month to go before we can see each other again. Furthermore, Ace doesn't seem bothered by what's happened on Substack, even though I have now received some of that abuse myself. It makes me feel like I can't really talk about it with them and get any support for it.

So yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I am extremely stressed, upset, anxious and burnt out. I hope I can get back to my usual posts soon, but it honestly might take a while before I'm ready to do that. If you read this far, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're all amazing, and I love you <3

~~ Tori