When the Phone Dies

I checked the time and my phone stared me back with a big 10 AM - I realize it’s morning morning now. sighs

Today I woke up at 5? maybe 6 in the morning. I remember how the sun was still shyly hiding behind the thick morning clouds. I also remember patting myself in the back for getting a fresh early start today. I said to myself -

“Planning my day the first thing in the morning would definitely give my day a structure”

- my infamous last words before I sidetracked from google calender → to gmail → to substack → to pinterest → to reels → and right were we are now: 10 AM, a.k.a. the time I discovered I scrolled 5 hours of my time.

I was quick to go into a full defense mode, convincing myself that saturdays are meant for rest…that I deserve a break from everyth— AAAAAAA…My phone’s dying!! I frantically tripped over every piece of furniture that has been in the same place for more than 2 years and reach out to the charger. phew [no charging animation] tries again “there you go” [still no signs of life]. Five hours into the morning, and it never occurred to me once that there was no power.

So, what’s the drill now?

That’s right, I can draw. I start scouting my house for whatever stationery I can find and sit down in front of a blank sheet of paper. What do I draw? The cartoons I used to watch as a kid, duh. Shinchan had a pretty easy face to draw… or so I thought. As I start sketching, I pause. oh shoot I forgot. What does he actually look like again? I proceed to search my phone to look for “inspirations”. Yeah… that’s not happening. The phone’s dead.

Ok calm down; there’s surely other things I can do. For instance, I never got a chance to bury myself into a book recently [it’s been 2 years]. So, I do it, I actually pick up a book - a cute blue one plastered all over instagram. What does it say? hmm ~ IKIGAI, the japanese way of living a looooong liiiii………*oh shoot* I am dozing off. That was unprecedented, let me put on my reading playlist pretty quick. sike I can’t do that.. The phone’s dead.

There’s only one thing left to do, I right away start tucking myself to sleep - the sleep I lost today by waking up unnecessarily early. yay saturdays. However, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. As one question haunted me just like one of my sleep paralysis ghosts - Why can’t I do anything without my phone? I have been so used to pair all of my favourite hobbies with that phone, now I am practically tied down to it.

However, I refuse to go down like this. I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING TODAY. I stormed off my bedroom, my house, my apartment..walked away from my phone. As I kept on walking, I realized I live in such a beautiful neighbourhood [The textbook realizations of a girl who finally touches grass]. Curiously enough, I didn’t have my google calender and this walk was enough for me to mentally plan my day. I walk back home knowing what I am going to do that day and what I am definitely NOT. As I return, ready to give a comeback, I realize the power had come back a while ago. THE PHONE - It needs to remain uncharged to give me motivation. I quickly unplug my dying phone and I throw it… [no, that didn’t happen]… I keep it in an unreachable place and continue to draw my Shinchan. No inspirations. No corrections. Just drawing however the f*ck I want.

When I look at the final picture, I realize that all along, I knew his face by heart —

the heart of the child that remembered after all these years.

Now, ask me to explain the last five Instagram reels I watched before my phone kicked the bucket, I wouldn’t be able to tell you [not because of privacy; it’s my goldfish brain’s doing.]

That was all the realization I needed today to unplug my phone and reconnect with myself. [And also write a blog about it]