the strongest thing i ever did was ask for help

a few days ago i finally made my way to one of the many unread books on my shelf: the boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse. this was gifted to me by my grandmother, and the combination of being in a slump and knowing she has phenomenal taste (former english teacher) led me to pick it up.

it’s a short illustrated kids book, but it was so incredibly striking in a way that i haven’t experienced for a while. although every single line was absolutely masterful, and exactly what i needed, one in particular stood out to me.

“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said? asked the boy.
‘Help,’ said the horse.
‘Asking for help isn’t giving up,’ said the horse. ‘It’s refusing to give up.”
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse

i have been to enough therapy to know how important it is to ask for help, but this made me realize how little we actually do it.

it is universally accepted that there are many misjudgments in life. after all, we are human, and our very existence is categorized by our ability to make mistakes. but what’s far less discussed is how we always find a way to get ourselves back up.

and while our indomitable human spirit is so incredibly important - and spectacular - we have something that i consider far more valuable: community, and the ability to ask for help when we need it.

our ability to think, process, and feel (for both ourselves and others) has built us a strong network of people we can rely on. there is always someone for us, whether a friend, family member, or mentor. yet dispite having this tool, this support system, we stubbornly refuse to take advantage of it at every turn. society is constantly praising working in solitude and scorning incorporating collaboration.

somehow, against all logic and reason, we have been brainwashed into believing that giving up is preferable to simply asking for help. we have been conditioned into believing that the simplest of requests to our friends is the most extreme of impositions. worse than that: an admittance of weakness. people would rather face endless burnout, or even worse, quitting, than rely on others.

“Always remember you matter, you're important and you are loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can.”
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse

i promise you, that is not selflessness. that is not independence. that is self-sabotage to the fullest degree.

because the truth is, asking for help is the greatest form of self-respect. it’s knowing yourself well enough to understand that there are some things you can’t do, and knowing your community well enough to be able to turn to them. it’s believing in the value of your passions and projects so much that you will do whatever it takes to fulfill your dreams, including asking for help.

you understand that the value of relationships is the ability to lean on eachother in times of need. community isn’t built on independence, and i honestly believe that we would have strong communities if no one ever asked for help.

we’ve somehow been convinced that asking for help is a display of weekness, but it was the strongest thing i’ve ever done.

“We often wait for kindness...but being kind to yourself can start now.”
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse

i’m recovering from my eating disorder instead of still being caught in a vicious cycle because i asked for help from my mom, friends, and therapist.

i’m succeeding in school instead of spending hours and tears on my grades because i asked for help from the teaches and students in my hardest classes.

i’m starting to run again after an injury and many surgeries instead of being stuck with debilitating pain because i asked for help from my coaches and family.

and i’m starting to gain back self-respect and love after struggling from multiple mental health issues and losses instead of being depressed and lonely because i asked for help from so many people.

i had to admit that i was struggling to be able to succeed. i had to ask for help to move on from where i was stuck at. and so do you.

“We have such a long way to go," sighed the boy
"Yes, but look how far we've come," said the horse”
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse