The Hole

One expects problems in an old house. I knew when I bought the aging Victorian home that, beyond the aesthetic exterior patches and necessary plumbing updates, a few surprises would reveal themselves sooner or later.

But that’s the beauty of flaws in material goods: you can always find a way to fix them. Something I had not found to be true with the people in my life.

My father had been one such insolvable difficulty. My mother’s death was hard on us all, but it turned him into a bitter, alcohol-abusing wretch whose warmth only showed itself in the rarest, tiniest cracks between fits of grumblings, growls and violence; an oppressive cloud that hovered over my youth and spurred me on to leave home at the earliest possible opportunity and never look back.

But now I was dealing with a literal chill. I had noticed a draft in the lounge and, though it took a while to locate the source, I eventually realized it came from the hearth or the fireplace around it. I flipped the flu damper to no avail; even when closed, the draft still ebbed outward into the room.

I realized I’d have to call a specialist or try to find (and hopefully solve) the issue myself. I went upstairs to change into some appropriate clothes to try the later option first. I was very familiar with having to take care of things myself; my former wife had never been of any use at anything practical, mechanical or intellectual. Lovely to look at and charming at dinner, but a complete waste of space as far as managing to be productive in any manner. I eventually divorced her, much to her dismay and my relief.

I came downstairs, removed the fire screen and the firewood grate and hunkered down to peer more effectively into the firebox. There was no mistaking it. There had to be a hole in the back wall. I fetched a lantern and, in short order, found what appeared to be a spot between two bricks where the mortar had mysteriously disappeared. The odd thing was, the hearth was in the center of the house, not against the perimeter. So, from where could this cool air come?

I decided I’d best find out the source, rather than simply patch the hole. Thus, I set about gathering the tools I’d need and began to attack the mortar to pull bricks way to better see what was causing the icy chill.

It was slow going. But I was focused and without distraction.

The way I like it.

For some reason, I was reminded of how my brother Charles incessantly chattered away at our accounting shop. Well, he used to until I finally told him enough was enough and he’d either end his prattling, or I’d end his employment. We’ve worked in blessed silence ever since. That declaration of mine proved a double blessing as it also ended the invitations to insufferable dinners with his wife, which was just as well for me.

After some time and effort in the firebox, I had worked up a bit of a sweat which made me notice even more the crisp air that was seeping in as it chilled my skin. But at last, I had created a large enough space to effectively look about with the lantern. To my great shock, it seemed an unending tunnel of sorts stretched into the blackness. I pondered the absurdity of it, but set about removing more brick so I might actually get in there and see exactly what lay lurking in the middle of my house.

Once I had fashioned a wide enough hole, bearing the lantern in one hand, I crawled inside. I’m not exactly sure how far I went. Much farther than I would have expected, when I suddenly noticed the ceiling seemed to have vanished. I slowly raised myself and felt disoriented as I realized I could stand erect in this strange space.

And that’s when I heard it.

Shuffling.

A rat? Could I have rats?!

I stepped forward, lantern out, eyes on the ground before me. Nothing to see but the floorboards, dust and debris. But I did notice my breath coming out in foggy huffs. The sight of it made me aware that I was also shivering. It was ungodly cold!

“Why?” came from a voice behind me!

Not rats!

A person!

I spun on my heel, lantern out, and froze.

There before me, tinged by the yellow lantern light, I saw my father’s face! Withered. Worn. A mournful look in his eyes.

“Why did you never come home? Never visit?”

I couldn’t speak. This was a dream! A delusion! It had to be!

“I know I hurt you,” he continued. “But I never meant to. I was in pain. Couldn’t you see that?”

I couldn’t respond. I just stared at him. He had gotten so old. So weak. So pitiful.

A tear fell down his cheek. “I missed you so much, son!”

I shook my head. No. this wasn’t happening! This wasn’t real! He never said those things!

I backed away. Only a step before—

“Gerald…”

I turned.

Nina! My beautiful bride! Pale and shaking her head with a sad look.

“If you had only given me time. Instruction. Patience. Anything!”

My head still shook with denial.

“No…” I muttered.

“Yes,” said a third voice I recognized even before turning to see Charles, looking at me with a face bearing a wounded, yet disappointed expression.

“You never gave any of us a chance to change. No charity. No guidance. You just casually cut away what you didn’t like. But people deserve at least as much care and patience as you give to your work. To your house. To things.”

“Stop it,” I said, my throat clenching. Tightening.

“We have stopped,” Charles said. “You stopped us. If only you’d wake up to the fact.”

“Yes, son,” my father said. “Wake up.”

Yes,” Nina echoed. “Wake up.”

My whole body jerked as I found myself inexplicably crumpled back in the firebox. But I was still shivering, uncontrollably from the cold.

After a few seconds of orienting myself, I realized the firebox was back to its original shape! As if I hadn’t touched a thing! Even more astounding, I couldn’t find the little hole that had started this entire episode; the mortar was completely solid!

Then why, I wondered, was I still shivering?

And then I knew. It hit me with a great weight and a deep ache in my chest.

That chill I felt. That coldness. I knew where it came from.

There had never been a hole in my hearth. It had always been elsewhere.

Tears fell from my eyes.

I was, indeed, finally awake.