Still, you were the jailer

Truth is

I don’t know if I ever had you

if I ever lost you

if I ever had the chance to have you

and lost it

Truth is you left me

blamed me and left me

left me with questions

How much did you think I could take?

How much weight could I carry

before I fell to my knees and to the ground,

losing my breath trying to save you

while I was fighting to save myself?

And you say I abandoned the race

when all I did was run

until I ran away

I swear I tried

setting fire with a match in the rain

And I’m sure if you’d tried half as hard as I did

we could still have a flame

I should be feeling tired

I should be feeling wronged

But all I am is mad and crazy

standing in the rain

soaking in the storm

trembling in the cold

aching from holding burning fire in my hands,

asking you

WHY?

Why did you never tell me to stop?

Why did you give me hope?

I gave you my best years

my sweat and my best tears

all my youth for free

If you never wanted it

why didn’t you just throw it away?

Why did you keep me

if you never planned to stay?

I was a prisoner by my own damn choice

in the silver cage you put me in

Even if the keys were in my hands

oh, you know

you were still the jailer