Silly Little Poems, vol 3

Aged sixteen, I thought I was in love. I loved in every way I knew how, gave everything to someone who refused to reciprocate it - at least, not without me practically begging for it. I thought that’s what love was - my feeling. If I loved someone, then I was in love, right? It turns out I missed the part where ‘they have to love you back, and show it’. Oops.

I guess I was quite lucky, though. All of the negative experiences in that relationship taught me exactly what I wanted, and more importantly, who I wanted to be. It taught me that I was worthy of more. It taught me that I was a hopeless romantic and deserved to be with someone who not only appreciated that about me, but showed me love, too.

This is a collection of poems written in reflection of those years, to honour the girl I was, and to process what she couldn’t.

Defenceless

I laid myself bare
for you.
Stripped away politeness,
let the layers fall.

Showed you the parts of me,
I swore I would keep hidden.

I let you hold me
in your palms,
fingers laced between my honesty.

But you clenched your fists,
and pulled.

Maybe

I wish I knew the end of that story -
the one with the boy
whose hand I held
as we hid in the forest
long after the sun had set.

He promised he was brave
but his body told me otherwise.
Said he would keep me safe
from the man with the light.

And we ran.
And we laughed.
And we fell into a pile
at the bottom of the hill.

Then his friends came.
And suddenly it was over.

Interrupted,
but maybe it was never anything at all.

I wish I knew the end of that story.

Fate

I think of you, you know?

I see you
in the glimmer of stars
and the blooming of the blossom
in spring -
of course I do.
But I hear you whisper in the wind.

You tell me stories,
of old couples I see,
strolling hand-in-hand -
of who they are
and where they came from.
Of the creatures I see
in the clouds.
Of the monsters I see
under my bed.

I never meant
for this to happen.

One moment I was simply
existing
in a world not meant for me,
and the next
I knew exactly why
I’d been put here at all.

I suppose the universe
was right
to put oceans
between us.

Wounded

You would think
one would feel it
if they cut themself
on the skin below their ribs.

But I didn’t even notice
I’d done it
until the blood seeped
through my shirt.

Futility

You knew, didn’t you,
that like earth’s orbit we too
would return here.

You had to have known,
though you are the one
with deaf ears.

How many times
must I tell you?

Again.
Again.
Again?

Not screaming
means choosing hunger,
yet I refuse to point
to the wound.

I seal my lips.

I pelt thoughts
at the bone of my skull
instead of your ears.

My scars are the evidence.
They do not heal.

You have heard it all before.

Slip

It’s not my fault
that while I stood in the sun
and my hair shone gold,
he called it honey.

That when I offered sincerity
and grace
and humour,
he mistook it for
an invitation.

That when I told him stories
with my name on their spines,
of worlds I’d created,
he imagined me
as the lead.

That as I marvelled at his brilliance,
he said it was all
for me.

It was an accident, I swear.

Promise

You told me
it wouldn’t hurt,
as you held me.

I’ll keep you safe.

But you smiled
as you twisted the knife,
and saw my bloodied ankles.

Eclipse

When you told me
that my eyes were portals,
I fell.

When you protected my shoulders
from the chill of the moonlight
with your favourite jacket,
I was safe.

When you laid with me,
whispering,
indulging every thought
that passed my lips,
I let you kiss them.

When you told me
that I would never be
as smart
as you,
I said I’d do anything I could
to come close.

And when you mocked my words -
stole my voice -
I let you.

Writing has become a passion of mine as stay-at-home mum. If you enjoy my work, you can support it here:

Tip Jar