Mar. 29th

These probably won't be daily. I tend to be off and on with this kind of stuff, even with my actual journal. There's usually days that I won't get to it, but Spring Break has started so maybe for this week. But as things get busier, I just trail off.

Been physically inactive but mentally running around all over the place. Tired.

Got some great news the past month, went on a couple dates, made some friends, and I graduate in May. Am I happy? No. Not sure how else to put it. Apathy has crept in again, melancholy every single night. I just don't give a shit about much. Easily irritated, especially on the road, but I never act out, just verbally abuse some imaginary enemy. Graduating just puts a hole into my chest. I want to be happy but I just can't be.

My therapist says I perk up when talking about my writing, which was nice to hear. Something still keeps me afloat, even when I just want to fucking sink.

I feel bad about a few things. But I must say I was being nothing but honest, and in my own mental state, I am not ready for much right now. Not that I took anything too far anyways. I move at a snails pace nowadays. I think—I got scared, and my heart, it just wasn't there.

Just reminiscing a lot. Missing a lot. I miss my dog.

I've prayed she doesn't wait around for me whenever it's her time to go with God. And I hope she doesn't blame me for having to sever ties at the end of it all. I just couldn't take being around that woman anymore. I find it ironic I had to be the one to cut it off, even if she was the one who seemed to be moving on. Amidst the struggle of depression and losing one of the most prominent figures of my life, everything else fell apart. I tried to hold on, in the jest of my dignity. Unfortunately. You live and learn.

I just miss my dog.

Love you G.