I want to belong.

All my life, I never fit in. As a child, I was the outcast. I was the nerd, the weird kid, the butt of the joke. All I wanted was to belong.

K was the first person to make me feel like I belonged. She was the first person to make me happy and make me laugh. I treated her poorly. With words I am still deeply ashamed of today, I pushed her away. Because of me, she moved schools completely. I will not share the details of what happened between us. Those demons are mine alone to face.

A year later, along came M. Like a vampire, she lured me in. I was so infatuated that I didn't notice her fangs until she had already sucked me dry. She convinced me that she cared, all while driving a dagger of deceit into my back. She gave me so much- my friends and confidence, but she took even more away from me. She tormented me long after our relationship ended, and even today the ghost of that torture haunts my mind.

I am with Ace now, who gives me that feeling of belonging. It is stronger than ever before. For once in my life, I feel like I belong. I am loved. But there is a constant fear in the back of my mind. How long will this last? How long until I fuck something up, or ace walks away? I know its all in my head, but I don't know how to make it stop. Can I really trust myself to not screw up the life I have? Can I really trust Ace to not treat me the same way as M? Can I really trust anyone to care for me unconditionally and protect me, when no one else ever has?