honestly, fuck geese
fr
I really hate geese.
I live in the midwest and these little assholes are everywhere right now. They piss me the fuck off on a spiritual level.
I remember when I was a kid, and my mom would let us feed the geese bread at the lake. I regret it.
They deserve nothing.
Also, they work for the government. No way I say something sketchy, and fifty are outside my house bobbing their heads and sending signals. They know my thoughts, and they are there to report them back to the CIA.
They also don’t get out of the FUCKING WAY. MOOOOOVEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In winter and spring, they are 90% of the time why I am late to work. They hang out behind my car on the sidewalk and just stand there. WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE? GO IN THE GRASS! They have a fucking obsession with concrete and asphalt. Also, why the fuck are you laying eggs in a Walmart parking lot? What the fuck is the point of that? There are plenty of forests around, and you pick CRACKHEAD R US. That’s just crazy!
Why are you mad at me being in YOUR space when YOU are in MINE? I live in this building. Get the fuck off my roof. Why are you making goose sounds at 7 AM? Who even are you?! You’re not a fucking rooster. What even is your job in society? Who is above you on the food chain? (Me. That’s who.)
The coyotes need to get on their shit because they’re lookin’ real skinny and I HAVE 35 GREAT MEALS FOR YOU OUTSIDE OF MY FUCKING CAR BLOCKING ME IN AT 9 AM. MOVEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, why the fuck do they decide to cross the street with their 300 children the second I want to drive down the street? Y’all were licking each other’s assholes in the grass five seconds ago. WHY NOW?!
MOVE!!!!!!!!!!
In my fucking way. Working for the CIA. Loud as fuck. Don’t hiss at me. I am just trying to go to work and try not to kill myself while I am there. For fuck SAKE!
EDIT (2/18/26): THEY SHIT EVERYWHERE!!! It is always on my shoes, and my dog wants to inhale it like a slice of premium, redwood-smoked maple bacon. NASTY as FUCK! GREEN TURD EVERYWHERE! Nasty!
Comments (1)
You’ve just described my neighborhood. Trying to keep them from nesting on the roof, but keep hearing what sounds like eggs rolling around up there.