GMOs in Everything

Here's a piece I wrote last year for locals.

Let’s cut through the bullshit, shall we?

The GMO Boogeyman

You want to avoid GMOs? Too late. You’re already swimming in them. The list of GMO crops is short; corn, soy, cotton, canola, sugar beets, alfalfa, papaya, and a few others but those ingredients are in everything. Sweetener? GMO corn. Oil? GMO soy. That “natural flavor” in your organic granola? Probably GMO-derived. The thickener in your “clean label” soup? Yep. The feed for the “grass-fed” cow you’re about to eat? Double yep.

You’re not avoiding GMOs. You’re just pretending to.

And here’s the kicker: The FDA doesn’t give a damn. They’re not here to protect you. They’re here to make sure the food industry can keep selling you the same sludge in slightly different packaging. The USDA? They’re too busy rubber-stamping “organic” labels on factory farms that treat chickens like they’re in a dystopian prison movie.

The Organic Scam

Oh, you bought “organic”? Cute. You think that means the cow spent its life grazing in a meadow, belching happily under a rainbow? Nope. “Organic” means the feed wasn’t sprayed with certain pesticides. That’s it. The cow could still be standing knee-deep in its own filth, eating “organic” GMO corn, and never seeing a blade of grass.

“Grass-fed”? Even better. That just means the cow ate grass at some point. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t crammed into a feedlot for the last six months of its life, pumped full of “natural” growth promoters, and slaughtered while listening to a Spotify playlist of cattle auctioneers.

“Free-range” chickens? Please. That means they have “access” to the outdoors. “Access” could be a tiny door to a concrete slab the size of a postage stamp. But hey, at least they could go outside! If they weren’t too busy getting their beaks trimmed and their feathers singed off in a factory.

You want real food? You have to grow it yourself or buy it from someone who does.

No, Whole Foods doesn’t count.

The FDA and the Food Industry: A Love Story

Let’s talk about the FDA. They’re not your friends. They’re not even your frenemies. They’re the guys who let aspartame stay on the market for decades while independent researchers screamed about brain tumors. They’re the ones who approved glyphosate and then acted shocked when it turned up in breast milk. They’re the reason your “healthy” cereal has more sugar than a candy bar but can still call itself “heart-healthy.”

The food industry? They’re laughing at you. They want you to argue about GMOs. They want you to think “organic” means “safe.” They want you to keep buying their overpriced, overprocessed garbage while they rake in profits.

Meanwhile, actual farmers, the ones growing real food, the ones who don’t have lobbyists or PR teams are getting squeezed out.

You want to stick it to the system?

Buy from them. Support your local farmer. Grow a garden. Learn to cook something that doesn’t come in a box.

The Only Way Out

Here’s the hard truth:

1. GMOs are in everything. If you’re eating processed food, you’re eating them. Stop pretending you’re not.

2. “Organic” and “grass-fed” are marketing terms. They don’t mean what you think they mean.

3. The FDA is not on your side. Neither is the USDA. Neither is Monsanto, Bayer, or whatever corporate Frankenstein is running the show now.

4. The only way to opt out is to grow your own or buy from people who do.

So here’s what you do;

Find a farmer. A real one. The kind with dirt under their nails and a truck that’s held together with zip ties and prayer.

Ask questions. Not the kind you Google at 2 a.m. after watching a conspiracy documentary. The kind where you look a person in the eye and say, “How was this raised?”

Cook your damned food. If it comes in a package with a cartoon mascot, it’s not food.

Plant something. Even if it’s just herbs in a window box. Even if you kill them. Try again.

I’ve got goats who can open childproof containers, chickens who plot revolutions, and a buck who head-butts fences like he’s training for the apocalypse. Yet, you, the apex predator, the tool-user, the supposedly intelligent life form are out here losing sleep over whether your tofu is GMO-free while eating a “vegan” burger made in a lab by a company that also manufactures pesticides.

Wake up.

The system is rigged.

The labels are lies.

The only way to win is to stop playing their game.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go pry Amelia out of the feed bin.

Signed, Phatti MacHine — BS, BS, BS, PhD in Common Sense

Comments welcome but be prepared I come armed with facts.