Girls - BE ARROGANT! (Part One - Female Socialisation)

Yes, you read that right…

Alright, I know what you’re thinking. “Being arrogant is the ‘true key to confidence’, what the fuck is she on about? Am I supposed to start strutting around acting like I’m better than everybody else to finally love myself?”

Well…yes and no.

Let me explain.

Everyone says “confidence” this and “self-love” that, but why is it that when we ACTUALLY start taking up space and standing on business as girls and women, all of a sudden, everyone hates us? We’re the wicked witch, the big bad wolf, the evil queen, the villain of the story…

“She’s selfish, she’s so entitled, she’s just to full of herself, she needs to be humbled, who the fuck does she think she is?”

“She’s too arrogant.”

Don’t lie, you didn’t stop by for fun! You’re here because you’re tired of your brain bullying you into being small. You’re tired of bending over backwards and performing for other people’s validation but never receiving your own. You’re tired of people walking all over you, manipulating you, taking advantage of your empathy and kindness, draining you without compensation. You’re tired of trying so hard but never feeling good enough.

You’re just fucking tired. Of everyone else, of yourself. Of everyone pushing you around, including yourself. You’re ready to take matters into your own hands.

And so you’re here, reading these posts, watching these videos, mindlessly absorbing all this self-help content with all the knowledge and none of the application. Because you don’t know how to apply the knowledge - your mind won’t let you!!!

Want to know why?

Societal conditioning.

Want a more specific why?

Patriarchy.

Still following? Good, it’s about to get heavy…

Let’s talk - female conditioning!!!

So let me start with a simple simplification, one sentence short:

The world hates us.

Let me expand on this thought.

From birth, we have been taught to make ourselves as small as possible. To make those around us more comfortable and to prioritize THEIR needs and fill the cups of everyone EXCEPT ourselves. I once had a classmate who expressed that, “It’s harder to love yourself as a girl, because there’s more expectations”. And I couldn’t agree more.

So let’s just touch on a FEW of our many IMPOSSIBLE expectations:

We have to look like gorgeous dolled-up models all the time, night and day, but it all has to be NATURAL, because men like NATURAL beauties, no makeup or work done otherwise we're "fake". And when we DO get work done after living in a society that dissects every part of our bodies and sets GROTESQUELY UNREALSITIC beauty standards over our heads that make us analyse and hate every inch of our skin in the mirror from a very young age (for example: the chronic “am I too fat/not skinny enough?”) - we're "fake". We're plastic and "unnatural".

We're taught to centre men in our lives and that our worth and value is determined by and dependent on what THEY think of us, how much or how little attention THEY give us or whether or not we're in a relationship or marriage with one. We're taught to IDOLIZE them, PEDESTALIZE them and PERFORM for them. Take care of them, tolerate any and all of their bullshit, emotional and physical abuse our entire lives. Live for them, cater to their every need and whim, manage their homes, raise and give birth to their children all while still looking young pretty and perfect little Victoria’s secret models. And of course, after all this behind-the-scenes labour we have to do, no one will ever thank us or give us credit for anything we do for them. And SOMEHOW, we'll STILL be doing it all WRONG. (That was a reference to the Barbie movie, if you didn’t notice!)

We're taught we'll be rewarded with the love we're taught to want if we centre men...but then vilified and demonised when we actually do. Then we're "pick-me" and "attention seekers" and "embarrassing" for believing and abiding by a lie that's been spoon-fed to us from birth. For actually crumbling like actual human beings after YEARS upon YEARS of endless brainwashing and indoctrination. (You know, because people are allergic to nuance and prefer to think in black and white. Especially when it comes to women.) But if we DON'T follow this lie we're ostracised from society, called selfish and threatened with being crazy cat ladies who’ll die alone - like that's a bad thing.

(It’s not, I love cats!)

We have to burn ourselves out with supporting, uplifting and devoting our entire lives to others. (Never ourselves, ALWAYS for OTHERS!) "To be a woman is to perform", as Judith Butler said, because if we don't we're "selfish" for living for ourselves and taking care of ourselves. We're taught to spend our entire lives performing and putting others' feelings above our own EVEN IF IT MAKES US VERY UNCOMFORTABLE because that's the only way people will ever love or like us!

…

Sigh

Wow, that's A LOT, right?,

And here I'm STILL only scratching the surface.

The speech in the Barbie movie touches on this so well. So does Labour by Paris Paloma - gosh, I love that MASTERPIECE 🩷 - and our societal brainwashing goes REALLY deep and always has.

Relatable list, right? Hit close to come, even, perhaps? Come on, don’t lie. At least one of them did.

At least.

So it's no wonder you're insecure and don't know who the fuck you are, when you've had the whole fucking world belittling you, degrading you and teaching you to be insecure and have low self worth and put yourself in a box from day one.

It's not your fault at all.

Blame your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your family, your friends, the media...

And blame the people who set the system up.

(I don’t know if you’ve seen that quote. It’s a really good quote!)

Let me say that again. None of this is your fault. And no, you can drop the mindset that everything is somehow your fault, because I just know that bullshit’s in your head, too.

And I’m here to exorcize your insecurities!!