Confessions of a Clumsy Soul (Food Edition)

I tried to be aesthetic once… and there’s a reason it only happened once.

Let’s go back a couple of years. I had just come back from a vacation — tired, jet-lagged, but still determined to do something. And I believe it was around that time I had recently started making coffee.

So that’s what I decided to do.

I thought I’d sit on my window couch, sip my coffee, and read a book. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it?

Well…things went south pretty quickly.

I put the milk on the stove…and then completely forgot about it. Not entirely! I just lost track of time. When I finally remembered, I stepped out of my room and was greeted by a strong, pungent smell.

Did I realise something was wrong?

HAHA, no.

I just thought, “That’s weird,” and casually walked to the kitchen.

And then I saw it.

Milk. Everywhere.

The “weird smell” suddenly made sense as the panic set in. I rushed (a bit too late), and when I removed the saucepan…it was very clearly burnt…along with the electric stove. I genuinely didn’t think that was possible, but life loves surprising me.

And somehow, that wasn’t the last food fiasco I had.

I decided to make coffee again. But this time it was cold coffee, and I had this crazy, weird, horrendous craving that required an unthinkable combination. Instead of using plain old milk like a normal person…I wanted to use banana milk.

Yes, you heard me.

The banana–coffee combo sounded absolutely divine. I made a coffee froth, poured the milk in a fancy cup, plopped in a straw and had the first sip.

Spoiler: It was NOT divine.

Nothing about it was divine. I had to force myself to finish it because it tasted so bad I can’t even begin to describe it. And the worst (and most shocking) part? The coffee froth wouldn’t mix.

The cleaning-up part was silent. Nothing needed to be said.

You thought that was it?

You thought wrong.

Let’s continue, shall we?

One day, I had to warm up yakhnee — essentially chicken broth (we freshly make it and occasionally add vegetables to make it yummier; people usually have it when they’re sick, have a sore throat, or when it’s winter).

All I had to do was warm it up. That’s it.

But I lost track of time…again…and found myself staring at a burnt pot.

The yakhnee burned to the point it was no more. It evaporated.

Didn’t think that was possible either, but we learn something new every day.

(I should’ve just used the microwave.)

Then there was another time I was tasked with making something for a guest (a foolish mistake). To be fair, it was just plain, simple tea. And quite frankly, I thought I aced it. Not just aced it — I genuinely believed it was banger tea.

I was very pleased with myself as I set the tray and sent it off.

Did I try it?

HAHAHA, no.

I even mentioned how amazing my tea was to someone before pouring a cup for myself.

The tea was NOT banger.

And instantly something dawned on me.

Had I been serving this crappy, tasteless tea to the guest who visited almost every day? Yes, I had been making tea for him for a while…but I never actually tried it.

In case you can’t guess, I was horrified.

If you’ve been here for a while, you’d know about the baking situations I put myself into before university started.

Remember the bread? The one I was so proud of? For those who don’t know — I forgot that salt existed.

Yup.

So the bread was tasteless. You could ignore it…if you put enough butter on it (sort of).

You see how I missed a key ingredient there?

I ended up over-adding another one in the pasta I was making.

It was absolutely delicious, though.

Only problem? It was so spicy it would put Buldak to shame.

Yup.

I somehow THOUGHT that chilli oil and chilli flakes were practically the same thing because…it’s just missing the oil, right?

WRONG!

Actually no — that part is probably true. The part I messed up was blindly adding six teaspoons of chilli flakes.

Why, you may ask?

Oh, because the recipe required two tablespoons, and since I read somewhere that three teaspoons equal one tablespoon, I thought it made sense.

Yes, I ate it.

Yes, I lost my senses for a bit because of the spice but still pretended to be fine because, well…I made it.

At this point, I think I should take the hint and realise that sometimes I need to think twice before entering the kitchen.

Maybe even three times.

Yeah...honestly, this could become a series.