Car Wash Blues
Apr 11, 2026 · 38 min read
“It’s pretty cool, they shoot a little cartoon on the foam before the machine scrubs it. I won’t tell you what the cartoon is—“
She said: “it’s probably a duck.”
“Spoilers! Good guess though,” his betrayal hidden behind a robust and shrugging mustache.
“Babe, it’s called the ‘Lucky Duck Car Wash.”
“Well ya, but still! As soon as I saw it I wanted to show you. It’s cute… and you hyperventilate when you see ducks.”
“Love, that’s because they’re alive and right in front of me, not dancing across the windshield cleaning bugs.”
“Double spoilers! Gah, why are you like this!”
“Just apply it to collections. Payback for spoiling Seven.”
“Ah come on, if the movie is over twenty years old you can’t cry spoilers! You’ve had time! Where have you been?!”
“No soy Americana, so not the same rules.”
“True, I get to show you the good stuff!”
“So it’s your fault I didn’t know.”
“Why’d I have to marry someone smart?”
“Because you’re smart.”
“Aw,” now he smiled.
They pulled up to a heavily tattooed man, wearing a duck tie and a sandwich board advertisement and holding a tablet.
“Good morning sir,” he said. “It doesn’t look like our system recognizes your vehicle. Would you like to sign up for our premium touchless wash? It’s on promotion right now, you can lock in six months for twenty-seven. It’s a good deal.”
Our driver decided to make this a moment.
“Recognizes me? I don’t remember getting acquainted the first time!”
His wife couldn’t watch again so she looked out her window at a bush.
“Nah man, they just read your license plate when you roll up, no biggie. Usually your car’s mug shot shows up on my little pad here so we can verify.”
“Mug shot, huh. What’s it in for,” our driver asked.
“Something dirty,” the attendant winked his black tear drop at him. “You know how it is…”
“Right. Well I think I’ll pass, I don’t come here often.”
“Alright, alright. I get it, you’re light on funds and want to keep it month to month. I feel that. I’m right there too, my man.”
Then he told us his destiny.
“This is just a temporary gig, you know. A stepping off point.”
“Oh yeah?”
“For sure man. Fresh start, gonna make it count. Prolly own a couple of these here soon enough.”
“Ducks on a pond…”
“Huh?”
“‘Cause they’re lucky ducks car washes… if you had a couple.”
“Oh you’re being funny. Got it.”
“Ho’kay, well let’s get this done, huh. Premium wash, and I’ll wait till next time to get the membership.”
“Nah bro, you don’t want to pay full price man, you’re gonna buy it from me. That way I can show my boss what an asset I am. Help me out bro.”
“I’m good man, I don’t want some company collecting my plate numbers. I’m sure you get wanting to have some privacy huh?”
“What’s that mean buddy?”
“No one wants to have a mug shot.”
“…fair. You want’a pay full price?”
“Yes?”
“Sounds good man. You do you. Imma be saving.”
“Always smart. Thank you… uh… Ricky. You have yourself a good day.”
“You too bro, have a lucky duck day.”
…
“Oh. Had it in park. Sorry. Uh, bye now.”
“Payaso…”
“Love, wait till I roll the window up.”
“No manches.”
“He was trying to sell me something! I was just… dammit.”
“He’s out there all day in a duck tie and you’re joking about mug shots.”
“He’s lying and telling people he’s gonna own a couple of businesses. I don’t know if that’s accurate,” he said.
“Nothing says he can’t, he just hasn’t yet,” she said in belief.
A tunnel of foamy colors waited patiently.
“Give me the percentage chance of that then,” as the side mirror was beat to death outside his window.
“¿Huh? No entiendo,” she said.
“Yes you do, what do you think Ricky’s chances are?”
“I don’t want to play.”
“Oh look, there’s the ducks babe,” he said pointing.
“Wow, they’re really cleaning those bugs… with a broom?”
“The future! So, what should I name my car washes?”
“Payaso..”
“Ouch, now what about him?”
“…”
“Well?”
“You don’t know. He could do it.”
“Could I?”
“I’d rather you didn’t. I like my electrician.”
“Maybe a coin op?”
“Be your own boss…”
“Oh man, I hate this part. Do I go? Do I wait? I’m always afraid the car behind me is gonna…”
Electronic quacks asked them to migrate.
“There’s Ricky.”
She pointed behind a dumpster.
“Don’t need to watch The Wire to know what’s going on there.”
“Lo siento… hopefully he turns it around.”
“It takes more than talk to make that kind of change. Even then, it’s not really up to you how your life turns out.”
“What? How so?”
“Destiny.”
“Destiny?”
“Yeah, either you believe in self determination or destiny."
“No way…”
“Ok. Did you pick me, or were we destined to be together?”
“I’m not playing.”
“Come on, this is fun.”
“Both.”
“Both?”
“Of course both. Only you would say it's just one.”
“No, that's the truth.”
“Dígame, mi amor.”
“You won’t agree.”
“I could, I just don’t know your point yet.”
“Ok… so if you're meant to have a set end point then your decisions don’t matter.”
“That’s silly… Todos terminamos bajo tierra; al menos elige el color de tu lápida.
“The color of what?”
“I’m your Huckleberry.”
“Tombstone?”
“Sí, all those decisions lead to your destination.”
“Huh.”
“I made lots of decisions, that doesn’t mean different ones would have kept you from me, guapo.”
“Poor Ricky, destined for the steadily depressin', low down mind messin', workin' at the car wash blues.”
I guess so ,” she said.
“I hope so. I don’t want to get a membership, though.”
“But the ducks cleaning the bugs…”
I guess so ,” she said.
“I hope so. I don’t want to get a membership, though.”
“But the ducks cleaning the bugs…”