Apr. 2nd

Drowned out. Chasing after nothing.

Doing a lot, for something, never quite sure. Got three more pieces done, all for important things. Just need one more. Then it's onto the longer form stuff. Putting together a collection, almost done. Outlining a novel, need to write it down.

Going to smoke again on Sunday. We will see how I feel. Tracking everything. Still sinking. Cleaned up most of what I need, smoking in a clean space. Someone wants me to tutor one of their kids, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I want to try. We will see.

Kiddos I work with like me enough. They seem to look forward to my presence rather than shun me. Especially one I've been with for two years now. Says he misses me every week. Must be doing something right.

Just want to be something worth toiling over. Wishing I could change the world with my own two hands, but need to start small. Here and now, for now. Someone is crocheting me a flower, it looks nice. I like sentimental things. All I've got is my words sometimes, and some weed, maybe.

Haven't played many video games this week. Been using it to catch up on all my writing. Feeling a little better. Japanese is beating my ass, but I am doing well enough. People seem to want to help, that's good. I hope I can cash it in. Plan to apply for teaching credentials and Japanese teaching program in the fall. Give myself a little break once I get my BA. We will see which one pans out.

If the country doesn't implode on itself. Possibly, If I don't implode on myself either.

Missed a day, but what did I say earlier?

I am tired.