Another Me:

It began as a tickle. Far into the back of my jaw. I tried to pay it no mind. But it progressed. No more was it a little tickle, but a twinge of pain. Then a constant irritation. I just made sure my mouth was cleaner than the word itself, and kept my oral activities to one cheek. It did not work.

I found myself in the dentist's office staring at a wall displaying an underwater world that held a rainbow of tropical fish swimming among the sea turtles and a single distant octopus that hardly had any detail. It was more of a blurred blob of one than anything tangible. 

The aid called my name and I was whisked to the back where they took a couple X-rays and put me through a deep cleaning. Fortunately the doctor complimented the state of my mouth. All signs pointed to nothing out of the ordinary, but we just had to wait on the scans to return. It sounded good, but I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right. 

I abused the pain meds they gave me. The little penny sized pills helped but even then, the numbing needed to be eternal. This shit made my whole body seize up, and my brain was dewy with slick slowing sludge. Didn’t even want to go outside. Didn’t eat nothing but the emergency soup I compiled for the fall semester. I was holed up and talking to no one but myself.

 The phone ringing had me jumping out of my bed. I answered while pacing around in my dimly lit room. “Hello?” As casually as I could, still numb to the left side of my mouth.

“Hello Mr. Ramos. I have your scans right here and I’m calling to let you know that your mouth and jaw are free from any kind of tumor or blockage causing the pain –”

“Wow!” My relief cut him off. “That’s great to hear, a root canal or something then right?”

“Well – no, we already checked your mouth on your last visit and you showed no signs of any significant decay that would be abnormal for your age.”

“Oh, I see. Well the pain is getting worse. What – what should I do?”

“I suggest if the pain progresses you visit a hospital. Thanks for your time Mr. Ramos.”

He hung up. My breath hitched on my words as I rubbed my jaw. Asshole. 

More pain medicine it was then and at least I don’t have to worry about cancer now. Jaw surgery would be a bitch to get through. Ouch. I’ll just tough it out until I can’t. Then the hospital would be the only option. More pills were swallowed and I was able to let sleep overtake me. It’s all I needed, I kept telling myself. Some rest… 

What do you think it is?

Whatever the hell it is. It needs to go.

You’re willing to do anything?

Yes. I am.

I was speaking to the darkness. I was dreaming. I opened my eyes and blinked. My head snapped around the gray room. I was awake. Nothing or nobody was around. We are here. 

It had no voice. More like the words were imposed into my own thoughts. My head no longer felt like it was in a vice. My hands rubbed over my jaw. I opened it and wiggled it around with ease. It felt like I was never in pain, but something else remained.

That is Us. 

What is this?

We have been growing.

What the hell? This can’t be real. Wake up. I slapped my face.

I tried it again and closed my eyes tightly. Wake up. 

It is coming back but We have your solution.

This isn’t real. I need a doctor. 

I have to be overdosing. I MUST be overdosing. I took too many pills. My knees fell into a soft rug around the toilet. This has to work right? I stuck my pointer finger down my throat. 

All I got was a sickening gag and a slimy finger.

Still here.

Why? Why? 

Salvation from the pain. You need to know. We will tell you, it will be immense.

I coughed and spat into the toilet. I dry heaved and started punching my own stomach. Nothing worked. 

Do you feel the twitch?

Yes. My jaw began to itch again. My tongue rolled over the left side of my mouth.

You need to remove Us. Before it grows hair and squeaks with life. Or maybe it already has?

What? Stop. I slapped myself again. I’m freaking out. 

Cut Us out. Before it starts touching your gums with its small fingers. Do you feel it?

I feel nothing. Cut? Where? I slammed my palm into my forehead with a loud thwack! I screamed loudly, “No! Goddammit no! Don’t talk.” I whimpered. “What is this?” I stood up to go and grab my phone. I needed medical help. I can’t drive like this.

Warmth flooded into the left side of my face as the pain blared outward. My cheek exploded into a ball of fire, flaring and burning. My body lurched forward as my hands shot up to my mouth. 

It is still growing. Do you know what it feels like to be ripped apart from your insides? All the fluids it will secrete will fill you up more than any meal you have had before. A wave of constant cold shivers as it removes you like peeling skin off a tangerine. YOU need to remove US NOW!

The last words squeezed onto my brain with ferocity. Like they wanted to split my head in half. More needles of pain shot out from the inside of my mouth. I gagged and finally threw up in the sink. It was a chunky colorful rain of fluids. I found a strand of hair lodged in my throat. I groaned and pulled it out with another sickening heave. With my forefinger, I felt the left side of my mouth and touched a small brow of slimy hair. 

It was right. 

It was growing. 

I felt it again. Then with my tongue. The reality of it all was undeniable. It was there.

Another me. 

We told you. 

They did. 

I stood up again. The stinging agony made me have to hold my mouth slightly open. Through the pain, thoughts became one. We needed to stop this – now. Now. Now. I swallowed some extra lines of bile, shoving it all back down. 

The gun would do it just right. Do not let agony consume Us. Find salvation.

My legs carried me to the bedroom door. I held onto my cheek with my left hand and pulled out a .45 caliber handgun from under my bed. Cut it out. Cut it out. The gun would do it. It was already chambered as I sat down. Removal, fast. 

I put the handgun in my left hand and jabbed the barrel into where the torment was pinpointed. I rolled my tongue in my mouth one last time. The hair brushed against it and I yelped in fear as the thing twitched against my teeth. I need to remove it. Cut it out now. NOW! Without a second thought I pulled the trigger.

My cheek felt the heat of the bullet first. It scorched it black and red as the round came cascading into my jaw. The recoil sent the gun out of my hand and spiraling across the floor. Adrenaline caused my body to shoot up into a standing position. A guttural moan whispered from the hole that hollowed out my cheek. 

Did someone turn on the faucet? No, I live alone. I looked down at myself. It was the sound of my life spilling onto the floor. Blood streamed down and pooled around my feet. Some of it caught my leg hair.

The pain was gone and in its place was a different feeling. Like someone had put a beam of sunlight onto my cheek. I stood there a moment as the blood flow steadied to a drip, drip, drip. I made eye contact with the only moonlit corner of my room. 

There was a slim figure of a man, it was my height. The eyes sparkled through the blackness and were outlined in joy. It looked familiar but its details were blurred. A blob of darkness. Maybe – I blinked a few more times as my mind basked in the silence. Maybe me. I felt my body sway back and forth between life and death and then salvation.

IMAGE CREDIT TO GABE G. TAYLOR on SUBSTACK.